This is a recent and unexpected development, but it still makes complete sense, doesn't it? You do creative things with your hands without the need of much material and you make a friend extremely happy with how they look. Why on earth would any of these things not make you smile?

It may be that my Brazilianness is finally showing, but I have become not only obsessed with coffee, but also with the experience of having "a cafézinho". It's a hot drink, with maybe something sweet but not necessarily, preferably in great company, whilst having a quick catch-up conversation. It can take 10 minutes or a couple hours. Completely lacking commitment or structure but always full of lightness and warmth. So very Brazilian.

Yes, it is annoying to have mosquitos buzzing around you and Rio is not exactly the nicest climate for staying outside so it may be the winter talking here, but there is nothing that changes my mood quite as effectively as putting me somewhere outdoors. It can be as simple as taking a walk around the block, seeing the sunshine hit the street, or as complicated as going somewhere completely new, hiking and being revolved by nature. There's a reason I dream of a very light filled house of my own after all.. I think life stole this feeling away from me when I moved into an apartment at the age of 10. Let it not ever escape my mind again.

Do I really need to say more?

Picture taken from a protest against rape culture in São Paulo. The sign reads: it is never the victim's fault.

So much has happened lately. Here are a few things I would like everyone to read/watch of the past few days. Please be kind to one another. Please act whenever you can. 

The Stanford Victim's Letter to her Assaulter (please note that, although I do believe everyone should read this, it is highly emotional and powerful and an obvious trigger warning)

Gang Rape Posted to Social Media is Forcing Brazil to Confront Violence Against Women

Stop Exploiting LGBT Issues to Demonize Islam and Justify Anti-Muslim Policies

“We're all human, aren't we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving.” - J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.” - Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters

The O.C. Playlist 

Graduating is a weird moment in life. All the feelings and all the questions pile up to form one big blob of "Oh no, what now?". Anxiety in the main weird driving force, despite maybe, just maybe, this being probably the last time you will be so commitment free. It doesn't matter. Your brain goes everywhere.

I can't believe this moment finally arrived! Free of professors, classes, essays... Relief. Now I just need to walk there on stage in front of everyone and grab my diploma. Preferably without tripping. Damn it, I hope I don't trip. Oh, but I'll miss my friends. Will I ever see my friends now? Of course I will. I mean, I think so. I hope? They all know what to do and where to go. How do they know so much? I wish I knew. Do I get a job now? How? Where? Which job? Or do I continue my studies? Do I go for an MBA or an LLM? Do I go for a Master's? Can I even handle a Master's? I'm so tired of studying. What would I even study? What do I even want to do with what's left of my brain? Do I move back with my parents? Do I just enjoy sleeping until 11 a.m. for as long as I possibly can? Do I have to start going to the gym, eating healthy and being responsible now? How do you even do adulthood? I don't feel much difference. And it's been 5 years. But I do feel relief. I mean, it's been 5 years. Oh, but I'll miss my friends.

Graduating is one weird moment in life.

When Marina Menegazzo and María José Coni disappeared, I knew nothing of it. Amidst writing my thesis and having about 500 emotional crisis a day, I was not really reading the news. When they were found dead, however, the internet blew up and there was no way I could ignore the story any longer.

Marina and María were traveling together (although most media outlets say "they were traveling alone") in Ecuador when they disappeared on February 22. A few days later, their bodies were found with signs of being hit on their heads. Two men were detained and one of them confessed they had taken the girls to a house, where they tried to rape them. As the girls fought against it, the man hit one of them on the head, killing her instantly, and the other girl was stabbed to death.

These girls had done nothing wrong.

These girls were having fun, together, enjoying their trip. 

These girls were stripped of their dignity and their right to live.

These girls remind me and every other woman why our mothers always try to protect us saying "don't go alone", "don't come home too late", "don't talk to strangers" over and over again.

Traveling alone is one of my favorite activities. I love being alone. Truly alone. I found this out when I once explored New York for a weekend on my own. I loved following my own rules, my own schedule. Having the liberty to just be with myself and my desires. So it taunts me that, although I am privileged enough to be someone who is able to travel, I cannot do that on my own without feeling scared. 

Marina and María made me go back to early 2015, when I was exploring Europe, solo, and I tweeted lightheartedly saying that I had been a bit frightened to walk around in the pitch black night. My sister immediately picked up on the tweet and sent me a text asking if everything was okay. On that moment, realizing my sister had done many a trips on her own before me, I knew she knew the feeling. I knew she, too, had walked around dark streets, eager to explore new places, but deep inside felt uneasy and alert. I knew every other women felt this too. Walking home from work. Going to a movie theater alone. Being. 

The fact that these girls had each other and yet were considered to be travelling "alone", as if only a male companion actually validates not being alone, is disgusting, scary and sad. While women are scared of grabbing a taxi on their own because the driver might rape them, men are scared the driver might rob them. Women are not considered equal. Women are not considered deserving of respect. Not even the most fortunate of us. After all, these girls were part of the "privileged women", white, pretty and wealthy enough to travel. And yet they suffered the most brutal punishment for being born women. Can you even imagine how unsafe, unprotect, unguarded less privileged women feel? I can't. And that's just even more reason for us to keep fighting. For Marina and María. For colored women. For poor women. For trans women. For gay women. For all of us. For each other. In our different inequalities, in our sharing sisterhood. 

Do not dismiss Women's Day as a mere gift, praise, congratulations giving day. 

This is a fight day. Like all our days.

Melancholy is a part of my soul. Looking back, reminiscing and analyzing past moments are everyday activities in my life. Which can be cruel to my present moment or enlightening to my future self.

When we take a look back at what we have been through, the mistakes we've made and the decisions that lead us to our now, everything becomes clearer and lighter. You realize little life lessons you wished you had learned sooner, you realize you didn't need to do things that way, you didn't need to suffer so much. 

Although I have yet a lot of life to live and numerous lessons to understand, I wanted to share some of the most important ones I have thought of, until today.

The one thing I used to do the most when I was younger was make up fake excuses for not doing something or not going somewhere. I felt like I would hurt someone's feeling if I said "no" and that was the last thing I wished to do. Confrontation is not my forté. Along with maturity, though, came the knowledge that I do not need to explain myself for saying "no" and I am allowed to simply say "I just don't feel like going/doing this". Everyone needs to respect each others desires and wishes. I needed to respect my own and let go of what others would think. Trust me, my friends enjoy my company a lot better when I actually feel like being with them then when I'm counting the minutes to leave.

Most children have the idea that their parents are superheros and perfect human beings. Parents know everything, what to do when you fall from the tree, how to talk to your crush, cooking and basic math. They seem like they have it all together and are so sure of themselves. 

When I hit my teenage years, however, I realized that these ideas are all illusions. Parents don't know anything at all, they aren't sure of themselves and many don't even know what to do with their lives, still! This broken illusion made me angry. How could I have these role models for so long and then find out they aren't real?

Over the past few years, such anger turned into understanding. The fact that I now saw my parents as flawed gave me a knew perspective. They were never superheros. They are human, like me and you. Their feelings, fears, doubts and dreams are just as real as ours. The only difference is that they have to look after their daughters and sons first, and we only have to look after ourselves. This obvious and mindblowing lesson absolutely changed me, helping me get over my frustration to start appreciating my flawed parents and understanding how their flaws affected our relationship and my own personality.

There will always be people in better and worse situations than you

Moving around and changing schools a lot teaches you this hard but essential lesson in a heart-beat. If you ever feel like you are the prettiest in a room, the smartest, the kindest, the strongest, whatever it is, you will always encounter someone who is better. There will always be more successful people showing up in your life to keep your humility in check.

This same thought works for when you think you are the one with the worst problems and difficulties and you suffer so much that no one understands you because no one hurts as much. Stop. Everyone suffers. Everyone is in pain. You are not the biggest sufferer in the world and you believing you are is probably the number one thing keeping you down.

It's true that the fact that there are people dying does not make your problems lesser problems and the fact that Malala Yousafzai is the biggest voice in feminism at the tender age of 18 does not make your personal achievements irrelevant. That is not what you should take from this lesson. This is a lesson of humility. This is a lesson of acknowledging the different people around you. This is a lesson of acceptance of yourself amongst that variety. This is a lesson of empathy.

A while ago I started feeling very unsettled and unhappy with myself and how life was going. I felt like I was waking up just to go to work and come back home to sleep again to work again to sleep again... I felt tired. All. The. Time. I felt stressed and suffocated. I had 3 trips to the hospital in the span of 6 months. I had all these medical advices and indications that I kept ignoring and not putting into practice. My university was on strike but I still felt like all that supposed free time I had was simply evaporating. Bad habits and vices were taking over my days.

So I decided enough is enough and started experimenting with new habits, healthier habits. And things slowly started shifting.

I was never good with drinking enough water. Although today we have this "healthy-culture", when I was a kid, sodas didn't have as many red flags around them, so it was all we drank. I remember going entire weeks without drinking a glass of water.

Despite having grown up reading many times how water is important, how it makes you less tired, makes your skin glow and rids you of toxins, I was still not drinking water enough. So when my doctor gave me a warning notice of "either you drink enough water now or you will have a really big issue in the close future", I started trying to be more rigorous with it. Now, I'm drinking about 1,5L a day, which is still not enough, but is about 3x more than I was drinking before. I downloaded the Plant Nanny app to help keep me on track and keep record of it all. It's adorable. Funny thing is, dehydration is a pretty common health issue, even in countries which have plenty of access to clean water.

Sure,  I still have days in which I drink maybe a glass of water, but for the most part, I'm doing really well. And how do I feel? A lot less tired. My skin breaks out a lot less. And I have had no trips to the hospital since. Coincidence? I think not.

I live in Rio de Janeiro. It's hella sunny all year long. Last week the temperature hit a high of 42ºC and it's not even summer yet. However, my morning regime did not include sun screen. Which is insane. I'm 22 years old. And I'm very white. Whiter than Snow White could ever dream of being. 

I'm not sure why, maybe it was the increasing amount of freckles appearing, my skin showing a higher intolerance to the sun or getting my 5th billion sunburn, but I figured it was time to start being a bit more responsible with myself. I currently use ROC Minesol Oil-Control SPF 70 everyday and I love it.

My skin feels softer, makeup stays on longer and this SPF dries pretty quickly on the skin also, so I don't have to worry about getting overly oily during the day. It seems like a crime I haven't been doing this for longer.

I had tried meditating previously and it did help me with anxiety issues. Nevertheless, I stopped. I don't quite remember why, maybe I just never built up the habit properly.

But with how anxious I currently feel, during this life transition of graduating from Uni and deciding what will be of the rest of my life (chills), meditation popped up in my head as a good idea to help me deal. 

Thing is, I'm not great at meditating on my own, I work best with guided meditation, so I had to find some good apps for that. I'm currently using Calm, even though Headspace is my favorite. Both of them provide guided meditations, in which you can chose for how long you desire to meditate, and keep track of all the days you've meditated, keeping you motivated to continue. Calm even provides different options of "background" noises, such as forest sounds, beaches, lakes, etc. Headspace is paid, which is why I don't use it, but it's definitely the best one. I can do a more detailed round up of all the apps I've tried in this process, on some future post, if anyone finds it helpful.

Missing a day of meditation now is frustrating and truly makes a difference. After around a month of daily 10 minute meditations, I've been feeling much calmer, lighter and more focused. There's something quite essential in keeping in touch with your inner self.

Let me put this out there: I have always been a stationary and planner lover. But I haven't always put my planners to the best use. My routine never included actual moments focused on organizing my weeks. I sort of winged it and hoped for it to go well/felt anxious about everything until it happened.

Last year, though, a friend of mine found out about the Passion Planner, which is basically a weekly planner, which provides hourly slots for your daily planning, spaces for notes and to-do lists, and we decided we would all get one. I loved my Passion Planner as soon as it came in the mail. But I kept using it as I always used planners, for the most part.

Until very recently, when I started separating 30 minutes every monday for writing down every to-do item of the week in a determined time slot for me to get it done. And every first 15 minutes of my work day I scroll through my inbox to add whatever last-minute changes are needed. I've never felt more in control and having gotten my shit together. Ever. I even have planned blog post ideas. Whaaat?

Yes, okay sometimes things don't go as planned and I have to anticipate or delay items. But it still works well enough to keep me focused on one thing at a time, without freaking out about not being able to get it all done in time. Life changing. 

As an internet addict, sleeping has always been a difficult topic. I've always slept late and woke up even later. However, when I started interning, I figured that keeping up with this pattern was doing nothing more than ruining my days. I ended up waking too late to do anything other than getting ready for my internship and got home too tired to try to enjoy the night ahead. Slowly, this pattern drove me insane. I was doing nothing but working and sleeping and missed doing more, exploring creative outlets, watching movies, going out..

When about a month ago I established a new challenge for myself, even I thought I'd fail. I had to be in bed at 11 p.m. and awake at 7 a.m. That's a perfectly round 8 hours of sleep there. And it felt impossible at first, as I've been accustomed to fall asleep at 1 a.m., earliest, and wake up like a zombie as late as I possibly could, which could variate from waking up at 6 a.m. to 1 p.m.. Soon enough, though, I felt better and better about it. The days felt more productive, I saw more sunlight, which made me happier and I gained a bit more time to do things I enjoyed, out of my intern-life. 

Beyond this though, having a sleeping pattern meant I was sleeping better, too. Programming my brain to fall asleep at the same hour everyday, I had less of the insomnia issues I once experienced. Getting 8 hours of sleep, on the other hand, was just enough for me to wake up well disposed. What I learned through all of this is that sleeping less than you need is terrible for your body. But sleeping too much won't help you either, neither physically nor helping you enjoy your life to the fullest. Find that balance.

After a month of putting these habits into practice, life feels a little bit more under control. Of course I'm still freaking out about the future and, as a proper millennial, anxious about how I can change the world while having an office job. But those are bigger issues that can't be solved in a month or by simply "adjusting your habits". They're bigger issues only the more centered, calm and organized me can deal with. No one can deal with the world's problems without taking care of themselves first, you know. 

Now, go grab yourself a glass of water. I bet you, you're dehydrated. 

Let's make a deal: let's check ourselves, and not only every October, deal?

When I was a little girl, I remember trying hard to be good at things. I used to sit down as soon as I got home from school and did all my homework, I tried my best at all the art projects, denying any help because I wanted to try and make it myself the best I could, I played sports even if I sucked at it and I danced ballet around the house, proud to show the latest spin I learned. I tried my best at doing everything I wanted to be good at, because I wanted to be the best I could possibly be.

Then, I grew up a little and started getting inspired by different people and characters around me. At first, I was Hermione, which meant I ended up acting as if I knew everything (instead of actually knowing it all, as she did). I later started acting as if I were too cool for anything since, for reasons I don't even remember, I was one of those poor souls that believed in the people that acted blasé about everything and wished to be one of them. There was also the wonderful time in my life when I wanted to be Blair Waldorf. I had the tiaras and all.

Eventually, though, I let go of all of those things and decided that I just wanted to be myself, and the best version of that that I can be. I found a group of people who accepted me, embraced me and let me be me. That was the most magical moment of my life, to this day. 

Yet, I still see so many people worried about what others think, worried about being something they're not, worried about getting approval by being someone else. I see people around them suffering the consequences of these worries. I am one of these people. And it hurts me and everyone around anyone who still hasn't allowed themselves to be.

You see, 99,99% of the time the person you ARE is better and has more potential for greatness than anything anyone else is or thinks is great. By being someone else, you're hurting yourself. And to those that know who you really are, it's hurtful and a shame. Because you are better. You will always be better. Don't be someone you're not just to look cool to other people. You'll soon realize how pathetic that really is. People that need you to look "cool" are never worth it. 

If you have to change yourself and your actions and if you clearly act differently, depending on who you're with, than something is not right, my friend. And you are probably hurting someone by deceiving them. And you are hurting yourself by boycotting your own potential for greatness and by being untrue. And you should probably sit down and think about if you really want to waste your life being someone else. 

Someone else already is someone else.

Embrace you.

This is a very tardy post. I've had this thought out in my brain for months now and had found no time to put it in practice. Maybe that was a good thing though. After all, when you are terribly sad and lost, there is a certain amount of comfort that comes from thinking of past times with loved ones in amazing places. Looking back and realizing you were happy there despite what you are sad about now gives you hope that that happiness may be real again.

You see, on June/July, my sister and her boyfriend came around to see us. It was the first time we were meeting him and it was the first time I was seeing my sister in a year and a half. I was excited.

Not only that, though, since it was his first carioca adventure, we had to go to certain touristic places. It was obligatory. And might I tell you that I love touristic places. It's something else to see your city through the eyes of someone new to it all. It's special. It gives you a fresh point of view.

So we first took him to a traditional churrascaria and afterwords we went to see the sunset in a place called Parque da Cidade, an Environment Protected spot in town. One of my personal favorites. The view is ridiculous, it's possible to see all of the city's coast line and the opening of the Guanabara Bay to the ocean. It's somewhere people paraglide from, to end up landing in one of our beaches. I mean, do I need to say more?

We also managed to go to the always delightful Centro Cultural Banco do Brasil, taking advantage of the rainy day that it was, and saw the Salvador Dali exposition going on there. May I say, Dali's works of art are something else. I could spend forever staring at his paintings trying to understand and absorb it all. CCBB, as we call the place, is another century old location. It's a place for books, art, music, good food and lovely people. The high walls, the people reading in the corners, leaned back on the columns, the general calmness, quiet and relaxed ambiance. I swear every time I go there I feel complete joy.

One important note: I am Brazilian. 

Football (take your soccer out of here, USA) may have been invented in England, but it's Brazil who holds it dearest. We and most of the world consider us the "Football Nation" and there's a reason for it. Trust me. We don't take our soccer lightly. I mean, there's always a game going on every week and everyone roots for someone. Our heroes are our football players and our Olympics is the World Cup. So when we loose a game against Germany by 7x1 on a World Cup semi-final that's being played at home, it hits us big time. But, you see, while other places may think that football is just a game and we will recover, while, for instance, England can loose and easily go home and just move on to the next big tournament (in this case, Wimbledon), to us the World Cup means influencing politics, economy and every-day life. Specially this one. 

Don't be confused. I'm not writing this as a journalist, retelling facts, or as a critic, pointing out flaws. It's more of a way to relief all the anger and sadness that's going on thanks to the latest massacre and maybe pin point some relevant issues that gringos may not understand. 

Politics, Economy and Every-day Life

Let's start with the hard ones. Last year, on July, a revolutionary movement started in the streets of Rio de Janeiro and São Paulo, rapidly spreading throughout the country (and the internet). In a very poorly worded description I could say it was about how brazilians decided we were very fucking (pardon my language) fed up with how things were going. Brazil as a country has issues in pretty much any aspect of public life. We don't have many things we're proud of. Our hospitals suck, our educational system sucks, our gigantic economic disparities between social classes suck, our economy sucks, our professional prospects suck... I mean, I could go on, but you get the point. "Oh, stop complaining so much, it's better than so many years ago!". Not saying it isn't better. Not even here to discuss that. But, really, it should be better than years ago, right? I don't know about you but I like to believe that society evolves. Optimism is key when trying to not be depressed. My point is, no matter how much better it is now, we're still not satisfied. And we're mostly outraged by how our public money, our taxes are being put to use. That's when the World Cup comes in. As a country with so many issues, there was a huge controversy about how much money was being "wasted" to host the World Cup. Keep this little story in mind, please.

When I say this will all affect the country's politics and economy, I'm not exaggerating. Now, I'm not here to give my opinion on the government or the movements that started last year. But, as a Brazilian, I'm not blind. Truth is that how the World Cup turns out directly affects this years presidential elections. Let me make this very clear: I do not mean to say that the result of the games depend on Presidente Dilma, or that Dilma solely depends on the games. I mean the election will be highly influenced by the games. Got it? No? I'll make it even more obvious. While the public acceptance of Dilma as a candidate has been going down since last year, ever since the World Cup started the President's acceptance has been elevated once again. This does not mean she wasn't already ahead of the other candidates. It just means that, with the World Cup, she was a lot more ahead of the others. And, considering PT (Dilma's party) has been in the government for the last 12 years, and the other strong candidate comes from a party who has an opposite line of governing, this year's election might change many, many things. 

You see, Brazil loves it football. And Brazil has quite a short memory and is very quick to forgive if it's convenient. So, while Brazil was winning, people were happy and content, and able to easily forget about all our other issues as a country, because football is a religion, it's what we're proud of. But with our loss, what's bad, becomes worse. We're unhappy so we point out every single flaw in our country, and then some. It's a constant state of fed up-ness. And then there are more movements, more violence, more dissatisfaction. You can logically see how this will influence the election, the economy and our daily life, right? And yes, it is superficial, but it's also pretty much true. We're not a very bright country. (I did mention our educational system sucks). There's a reason social networks are so popular here, we go along with others opinions very easily without prior analysis...

Black and White.

This is not a racial point. It's quite simple. Brazilians don't deal well with grey areas. As our recent soap operas have showed, brazilians like to establish villains and good guys. Everything is considered black and white. And this was easily seen throughout this World Cup. You see, no matter how useless Fred was as a player, he could hardly be named as the sole problem of the team. No, it went way deeper than that. It involved all the players, the high level of dependency on Neymar, the lack of integration of the team and Scolari's faulty decision making skills. And yet, Fred took all the blame, as could be easily felt when he was booed so strongly by the fans in the stadium this last game. The huge amount of memes that made fun of Fred in comparison with the crazy amount of posts pro David Luiz and Neymar showed how black and white things go for the brazilian fans. Which is something I highly disagree with. The fact is: everyone screwed up. We have been struggling since the beginning. Today it was just way worse without Neymar and Thiago Silva.

There were no brazilian matches in the country's biggest and most famous stadium. This is a bigger pain for cariocas, I guess. But I can't help but think about how it makes no sense for Maracanã to have reopenned for the World Cup in Brazil and no games involving Brazil have been or will be played there. Specially since all players see Maracanã as a dream place to be.. Seems completely wrong in my book.

Our source of pride.

As I have said before: we aren't a very proud people. We complain about everything (though we don't allow gringos to do the same) and everything sucks. But football is ours. This is the Football Nation. And we wanted to have at least this win in our lives. At least this one thing to be proud of as a Nation. Something we haven't shared in a while. Our HEXA. Do you know what it's like to hate your entire life but this one tiny thing which you cherish the most? That's what football is to us. And that's what pains us the most. Now, we don't even have that. Because the truth is that Germany deserved that game. Our team was terrible, even painful to watch. We really don't even have that.

I am a rubbish blogger. Life crawls and and haunts me and I let it go. I am not disciplined enough for this. But I was once ok at it. I used to write weekly. Poems, short stories, letters I never sent. Sentiment. Until I stopped.

I regret that. Writing used to give me a way out, a peace of mind, a relief. It brought me happiness and self-knowledge. However, at some point in time, it became too much. Not the writing, per se, but the things I was dealing with to be able to write. While writing was a way of digging into my feelings and understanding my own brain, I did not want that anymore. Mostly because I did not want to face the mess inside me. I did not want to go through the pain.

When I made this blog, I had all the intentions of making it about good things. Somewhere to focus on the joyful and pretty parts of life. But, you see, I am a romantic. Words do not come out of me as a planned out work of art. They pour. They might not pour in the most well written phrases and well chosen words, but they pour with feeling and truth. 

When life happens and swallows you whole, that anguish that dominates you might seem too hard to face. Ignoring seems easier. And to some, that might just be a possibility. I, however, have great memory. I am not as good at letting go as I wish I was. Things haunt me until they are dealt with. And my best way of dealing with the mess inside me has always been brutal pouring of words of feeling and truth. I can not post pone such healing any longer. 

I am no writer, but I need to write.

So, there you go, I can not make a solely happy blog. And quite honestly, I don't have to. 

I am sorry for deceiving you.

And so it's March and this blogpost is a month late. But since it's been brewing in my head for the last 40 days or so, I'm making it anyway. I mean, it's my blog anyway, you're not the boss of me!

This New Year I made zero resolutions. I probably should have because maybe that would have given me a bit more direction than I am currently having in my life decisions, but that's another conversation entirely. However, I did begin the year with a great cleansing act:

I deactivated my Facebook page.

Now, I could go on and on about how irritating and time consuming Facebook is and many other reasons why I put such idea into practice, but what I want in this post is to show you the many great things we can do with our lives without Facebook and remind myself of how to consume my own personal time much better. So here it is, some of the things I did with my time without Facebook:

1. Read

I used to be an avid reader when I was younger. Soon enough, though, I found out about the internet and social medias and life was never the same again. My 20 books a year count became more and more 5, 4, 3... 1 book a year. This is a fact about me that I cry to at night. Now, as a half-grown up, doing college and an internship, time for books are that much more rare and when I have any, it's spent on boring huge ass Law school books. Getting rid of Facebook gave me the extra time to spend with what I had left to the side for so long: reading for actual FUN. Isn't that a lovely concept?

2. Visit friends - and actually pay attention to them

Whilst being without Facebook, I went to a number of social events which would have been priorly spent taking pictures or checking updates on my phone. In these, however, I only held on to my phone in case my parents gave me a call asking if I was still alive. And I had a humongous amount of fun. From being thrown into a pool to deep meaningful late night conversations to making brigadeiro and watching great movies on a night in, I was there at all times. (Well, maybe a little less when it was 4 a.m. and I was getting overly sleepy).

3. Explore your qualities (and inequalities)

I have never been a great artist or any bit talented in that aspect. But I did always love painting, drawing and creating in general. And just because you're not great at something doesn't mean you should never do it or that it can't make you happy. So I ended up picking some colored pencils and notebooks and doodling a bit. It was time that freakishly flew by. I can't even explain it. I guess I was so focused on what I was doing that I didn't notice it at all. 

4. Blog

So, yes, that is kind of cheating. Instead of tiny posts, I started making less frequent longer posts. Instead of following friends, I now follow great inspiring and entertaining bloggers and vloggers. However, I still think this is a fair trade. You see, on a Facebook post or comment there's little to no thought at all behind it and your "friends" many many times aren't even people you enjoy or care about, which end up summing up an empty and negative online experience. On the other side, blogging takes time, patience and lots of thought (especially if you want to do something nice, which is my case - though maybe it doesn't show, oops). It forces you to use day-to-day experiences as a basis of creativity for writing and photographing. And you only really follow and read the things you actually care about and enjoy which takes out a lot of the frustration and negativity towards people. That combination can only make you happier, really. 

I love blogging, can you see it yet?

5. Practice

Maybe you're like me and you play an instrument. Maybe you're an athlete. Maybe you have a presentation to do or a job interview to go to. Whatever it is, you now have extra time to practice them. Enjoy. Facebook and the 500 self centered posts a day would never make you grow as much as investing your time in bettering your skills.

6. Study

I have no clue how much time of studying I lose over Facebook, but I'm 100% sure it's a hell of a lot! Plus, I don't think I need to go on about how studying is good and important, right? Yeah, let's just do it, peeps.

7. Think

Over the course of the 25 days I spent without Facebook, thinking was my most prominent activity. Sure, it was mostly thinking about my ex-boyfriend and that's not really healthy thinking, but some of it was also thinking about what to do with my life, what I want to become, where I want to go and how I want to be and if I was doing what I needed to get there. Answer: no, I'm not. But I'm trying to change that and hopefully I'll blog about it soon enough. Keep your fingers crossed!! Anyways, I invite you to turn off your social media accounts and evaluate your life, goals and the path you need to cross to get there. If you do, mind sharing? I'd love some inspiration.

Last weekend I basically put all my efforts into doing something I've been wanting to do for years now and somehow never had the chance. I invited people, I programmed myself, I collected my information and I decided that I would go even if only one person accepted my invitation. And it worked. 

I had breakfast at "Parque Lage", a house built in the middle of Rio de Janeiro that has a beautiful garden, pool and an entire art school and you can also recognize it as the one used to film Snoop Dog's music video for "Beautiful". About 2 or 3 years ago my sister mentioned they serve breakfast and it is great. As I already new it was beautiful and I really love experiencing new things and places (specially when the weather is this beautiful), I have always wanted to go myself.

The place was swarming of tourists and cariocas all trying to get a seat in the shade, a couple of bread sticks and glasses of juice in their systems during the 40ºC weather. I was as excited as a bee and my parents and my friend were all starving. Unfortunately, we didn't know the place was so hyped up and there were so few tables, which meant we took over an hour to get a table. But we were patient and entertained by and adorable little girl and her dancing skills. I have pictures but thought it would be disrespectful to post them so if you want to picture her think of a baby Dora, the Explorer.

When we finally had the chance to sit down and eat our breakfast, though, it was blooming great. The place is beautiful and the breakfast comes quite complete with fruits, bread, cake, juice, coffee, yogurt, cereals and you can order additionals like omelets. It's a lovely place to go with your partner or your family and friends. Democratic and beautiful. But do go comfortably dressed as it is an open space and there are only fans to help you (and if you know Rio at all in the summer, you are well aware that fans are not enough).

Afterwords we could have enjoyed a walk around the gardens and its aquarium and beautiful architecture, but instead we decided to go to the beach in Rio for the first time ever. We had our bikinis and our sunscreen. We were quite close to Leblon and Copacabana. The sun was up strong. So hell, why not? 

Once we decided to go to Leblon, we were not let down at all. The water was calm, the beach was busy but not crowded and there was an empty set of chairs just waiting for us. The end result was 4 very content people, enjoying quite a lovely saturday.

Oh, yes, last weekend was quite a lovely weekend. How was yours?

I can't say much about this other than it made me smile and cry.

Please take a listen to it. It's touching and true.

Please pay attention to the poem at the end.

You have a beautiful body.

We all have beautiful bodies.

I am one of those lost 20 year olds who got into college hoping they would find themselves only to realize that's not what's going to happen. I had no clue what to do with my life last year of high school. I had an ending relationship with a best friend, a grandmother in and out of the hospital and a sick older sister. The future was the last thing I wanted to think about, but also the most important thing that could be crossing my mind at the time. 

Eventually, when reality strikes, you put your big childhood dreams last, you put your (figurative, in my case) balls back to its place and you chose the more realistic, safe solution to your issues. In my case, that was law school. Something I wouldn't kill myself over and could deal with for a while. Something with lots of possibilities so lost little me could have alternatives.

But then came college, scary and ridiculous as it is in this weird country I live in, and I came to realize soon enough that I wasn't lost at all. What I wanted was always what I wanted. And I had figured myself out by the time I was 17. People around me seemed way too into themselves and way too up on their high horses, uttering words they thought were genius though it was exactly what 90% of the books said. Around the beginning of the second year, I realized I was a found girl around a lot of lost people. And that isn't quite easy to be. As I hang around more and more at my internship, I keep thinking the law world is nothing but a cycle of fights involving big egos of lost people. There's no place in there for a found girl.

However, Law kept being something to rely on, and if all goes wrong, a back up plan. Classes can go from extremely tedious to highly interesting and awakening. But my attention span is no good. I only want to keep living the life I live now until I have enough to abandon it all and follow this weird path I keep thinking about, full of adventures and people and things I love. The people and things I am in love with. 

At the end of the day, I never found myself in college (granted I still have 2 out of 5 years to go). Maybe I didn't even make life long friends as people usually make (even if I did meet some great people who I adore at the moment). College isn't a magical place that hands you perfect life directions. Life is. We just keep forgetting that to find ourselves, we need to live. And only for ourselves. 

Over the years, like most people, what I want out of life has changed. As you grow up, you learn that a pony isn't really that great of an idea, opening a bar with your friends is just as much work as any other work (bonus points if you get this reference kids!), popularity is just a stupid concept we make up during middle school and that everything changes. People come and go. Friends aren't always going to be friends. TV shows, books and favorite bands end. Venice is drowning. Icebergs are melting. Your family members will, eventually, die. So will you. Your looks will change (doesn't matter if you're thank God or oh no about it). The concepts you made up in your head of being 16, 21, 30 and 40 are not real. Life does not go according to your well though out plans. Shit happens (double bonus points for this one!). You have no control over anyone or anything. You don't even control your own dog. Therefore, none of your goals actually matter more than for the present time. None of them matter after right now. Because things always change. These are all scary, sometimes sad, truths we will be constantly reminded of throughout our lives.

What I have figured is that the only real thing you can want and actually achieve in life is being a better person. That's the only one thing you have some control over. You choose what you put inside your body, inside your brain and what you show the world through your words and actions (though you can't really control what they think or say about it). So you can always aim to be a better person. And to me being a better person always involved being a really good friend.

Maybe it came from the fact that I didn't have many friends for quite a while and know how people can need one. Or maybe I've seen way too many bad friendships over the years. But the one thing I have consistently aimed at (though not always achieved) was being the best friend a person could wish for. Now, this isn't as easy as it seems. And it might have caused me some collateral damage, like never really giving up on people, but I think that might be a conversation for another time. 

Basically, what I want to clarify is that being the best friend possible does not even mean you are the person's best friend. Sometimes you're not even a close friend at all. Generally, it's all about being a nice person. How I see it is: a truly awesome friend is one that is there for you whenever you need them, to listen, to cheer you up, to laugh, to cry, to give advice and yes, most definitely to point out your wrongs too. A truly good friend doesn't need to love everything you love or go everywhere you go. A truly good friend only needs to be there when you need them, give you an honest welcoming smile and a good feeling about yourself. I should point out that, personally, although I said that a good friend does point out your wrongs, she/he talks to you about them in private and with honest care. A good friend doesn't rub your faults in your face or use your wrongs against you in any way. Beware of those who do. A good friend cheers you on in life, not pulls you back. 

Thinking back over the years, I am not sure I always did my best with being the best friend I could be for people around me. I have tried, but maybe not as much as I should have. Maybe I put other things before it that shouldn't have been. And, as many people around this time of the year are giving up on their New Years Resolutions, I want to pick up again some old Life Goals I had left a little behind. The most important one of the bunch is this first one. I want to try and be the best friend a person can be. I like helping, getting to know people and bonding with them in different ways. And the last thing I ever want is for someone to feel as alone as I once felt. Friendship makes life lighter. Not so many people in the world should be living without friends. Maybe if they didn't, the world wouldn't be such a creepy place..

You know all those multiple times when we stare at our phones every 5 minutes waiting for something, anything even though we know absolutely nothing will happen? Why the hell do we do that? Or when we carry them around as if it were another organ, only it's outside our body instead of hidden inside? Why do we act as if that person is going to call and stare at our phones and check our whatsapps every damn second? Why do we delude ourselves? Why do we act as if it's so ridiculously important and as if we were expecting the most life changing call or text or whatever it is? We know it's not going to happen and we just lie to ourselves. 

Exactly this second I have my phone laying neatly near my laptop, screen up, although it's 11 p.m. on a Sunday and I'm dead sure no one is going to talk to me at this time and day. I have checked it twice while writing this post which I have only spent about 15 minutes writing up to now. Why do we do this? Do we actually think we're that important? Or that something life-changing will come from our cellphones? Do we believe truly that it is so necessary that we carry it around everywhere? Or are these all just signs that psychiatrist are right and we have grown up to the worst attention spans and the worst abilities to be on our own?

Or maybe I'm the only crazy cell-phone neurotic? Nah. Impossible.

Currently listening to: Midnight in Paris Official Soundtrack

I am an introvert. And like most introverts, I am forced to spend most of my time in extrovert world. College means interacting with friends (and non-friends) and teachers every second of the day. Internship means interacting with colleagues and bosses and having to be nice to all of them because they'll just hate you and screw you over if you aren't (I'm just here to be realistic, ok?). If you don't interact in these environments, you are generally considered a very rude person, shy (with that horrible connotation people give this characteristic, for whatever reason) or snobby. People have a hard time accepting introverts as friends or thinking of introverts as good workers (thanks to the concept that group work is the best thing in the world).

This all means that I only get time to recharge, as introverts need to do, around 9 p.m. when I get home from my internship. And that moment is absolutely sacred to me. But many people don't seem to get it. My parents are the first to intrude my me-time, as I like to think of it. They call me up, ask me 5 million things and then they continue to want to talk about whatever even though I clearly don't feel like chatting. Remember. These are my parents. They know I need me-time. They know I'm an introvert. And yet they get very offended that I don't really want to facetime them at 10 p.m. while I could be resting and taking a look at my social media favorites, writing or reading.

Then there are my friends. Extrofuckingverts. Always wanting to drag me to whatever social event that's going on with their lives. I think I denied to go to so many parties that, now, they just gave up and understood that those situations don't give me any joy. Please, just invite me for a cup of coffee on the weekend. I love you, but I'd much rather just enjoy a nice conversation and doing silly things at each other's house.

Sunday is my sacred day. For all the years I had a boyfriend, sunday was the day we never saw each other. And sunday is generally a day I'm not with my parents or friends. So it's on sunday that I do all the recharging. I think. I organize. I read. I write. I cry. I dance. I laugh. I do everything necessary to make me happy and relaxed. Could I do all these things with a friend? Yes. But I really love enjoying my own company. And, also, there aren't that many friends in my life, specially those that live close to me, whom I'm comfortable enough to just be and whom I'm comfortable enough that I feel like I'm alone enough to recharge from all the extrovert moments of my life. And the extrovert moments make me really tired.

And honestly, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with needing me time. In fact, I find it so healthy. Not just for introverts. We are so surrounded by people and noise and social media, we should take some time to just chill and enjoy ourselves. It might teach you a couple things about your own self.

I'd just want for people to realise the importance of me time more often.