Law school and back up plans12:40 AM
I am one of those lost 20 year olds who got into college hoping they would find themselves only to realize that's not what's going to happen. I had no clue what to do with my life last year of high school. I had an ending relationship with a best friend, a grandmother in and out of the hospital and a sick older sister. The future was the last thing I wanted to think about, but also the most important thing that could be crossing my mind at the time.
Eventually, when reality strikes, you put your big childhood dreams last, you put your (figurative, in my case) balls back to its place and you chose the more realistic, safe solution to your issues. In my case, that was law school. Something I wouldn't kill myself over and could deal with for a while. Something with lots of possibilities so lost little me could have alternatives.
But then came college, scary and ridiculous as it is in this weird country I live in, and I came to realize soon enough that I wasn't lost at all. What I wanted was always what I wanted. And I had figured myself out by the time I was 17. People around me seemed way too into themselves and way too up on their high horses, uttering words they thought were genius though it was exactly what 90% of the books said. Around the beginning of the second year, I realized I was a found girl around a lot of lost people. And that isn't quite easy to be. As I hang around more and more at my internship, I keep thinking the law world is nothing but a cycle of fights involving big egos of lost people. There's no place in there for a found girl.
However, Law kept being something to rely on, and if all goes wrong, a back up plan. Classes can go from extremely tedious to highly interesting and awakening. But my attention span is no good. I only want to keep living the life I live now until I have enough to abandon it all and follow this weird path I keep thinking about, full of adventures and people and things I love. The people and things I am in love with.
At the end of the day, I never found myself in college (granted I still have 2 out of 5 years to go). Maybe I didn't even make life long friends as people usually make (even if I did meet some great people who I adore at the moment). College isn't a magical place that hands you perfect life directions. Life is. We just keep forgetting that to find ourselves, we need to live. And only for ourselves.